Hurry up please its time

"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you figure out why."

Mark Twain (via larmoyante)

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Just as I dozed off to sleep, he woke me up and asked, “Jennie, what are those ugly things near the light?” (I had always liked that he asked me questions because I was older and supposed to know the answers. I didn’t always know the answers, of course, but I could always pretend I did.) He was pointing to the moths fluttering around the hall light. “They’re just moths. Go to sleep,” I told him.

He wasn’t content with that answer or the moths near his night light, so the next time my Aunt walked by the door he asked her to make the ugly moths go away. When she asked why he simple said, “Because they’re ugly and scary, and I don’t like them!” She just laughed, rubbed his head, and said, “Joe, just because something is ugly outside doesn’t mean it’s not beautiful inside. Do you know why moths are brown?” Joe just shook his head.

“Moths were the most beautiful insects in the animal kingdom. At one time they were more colorful than the butterflies. They have always been helpful, kind and generous creatures. One day the angels up in heaven were crying. They were sad because it was cloudy and they couldn’t look down upon the people on earth. Their tears fell down to the earth as rain. The sweet little moths hated to see everyone so sad; they decided to make a rainbow. The moths figured that if they asked their cousins, the butterflies, to help, they could all give up just a little bit of their colors, and they could make a beautiful rainbow.

One of the littlest moths flew to ask the queen of the butterflies for help. The butterflies were too vain and selfish to give up any if their colors for either the people or the angels. So, the moths decided to try to make the rainbow themselves. They beat their wings very hard and the powder on them formed little clouds that the winds smoothed over like glass. Unfortunately, the rainbow wasn’t big enough so the moths kept giving a little more and a little more until the rainbow stretched all the way across the sky. They had given away all their color except brown, which didn’t fit into their beautiful rainbow.

Now, the once-colorful moths were plain and brown. The angels up in heaven saw the rainbow and became joyous. They smiled, and the warmth of their smiles shone down on the earth as sunshine. The warm sunshine made the people on earth happy, and they smiled, too. Now every time it rains the baby moths, who still have their colors, spread them across the sky to make more rainbows.”

My brother sank off to sleep with that story and hasn’t feared moths since.

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an excerpt from J. Gratton’s anecdote Colorful Shades of Gray (via zairadiana)

(via zairadiana)

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It’s taboo to admit that you’re lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven’t left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. Ha ha, funny. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you’re not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are.

A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn’t transition well to adult life, that you’d fall right through the cracks. And look at you now. La di da, it’s happening.

Your mother, your father, your grandparents: they all look at you like you’re some prized jewel and they tell you over and over again just how lucky you are to be young and have your whole life ahead of you. “Getting old ain’t for sissies,” your father tells you wearily.

You wish they’d stop saying these things to you because all it does is fill you with guilt and panic. All it does is remind you of how much you’re not taking advantage of your youth.

You want to kiss all kinds of different people, you want to wake up in a stranger’s bed maybe once or twice just to see if it feels good to feel nothing, you want to have a group of friends that feels like a tribe, a bonafide family. You want to go from one place to the next constantly and have your weekends feel like one long epic day. You want to dance to stupid music in your stupid room and have a nice job that doesn’t get in the way of living your life too much. You want to be less scared, less anxious, and more willing. Because if you’re closed off now, you can only imagine what you’ll be like later.

Every day you vow to change some aspect of your life and every day you fail. At this point, you’re starting to question your own power as a human being. As of right now, your fears have you beat. They’re the ones that are holding your twenties hostage.

Stop thinking that everyone is having more sex than you, that everyone has more friends than you, that everyone out is having more fun than you. Not because it’s not true (it might be!) but because that kind of thinking leaves you frozen. You’ve already spent enough time feeling like you’re stuck, like you’re watching your life fall through you like a fast dissolve and you’re unable to hold on to anything.

I don’t know if you ever get better. I don’t know if a person can just wake up one day and decide to be an active participant in their life. I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that people get better each and every day but that’s not really true. People get worse and it’s their stories that end up getting forgotten because we can’t stand an unhappy ending. The sick have to get better. Our normalcy depends upon it.

You have to value yourself. You have to want great things for your life. This sort of shit doesn’t happen overnight but it can and will happen if you want it.

Do you want it bad enough? Does the fear of being filled with regret in your thirties trump your fear of living today?

We shall see.

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You’re Not Making The Most Of Your 20s by Ryan O’Connell (via coffeeurlgirl)

(Source: hidingfromoursins, via bitterandblue)